I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
