life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
