The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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