Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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