I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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