plz talk dirty to me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize