College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
