6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
