lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
