she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
