Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
