i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
