i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
