I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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