My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
