Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize