He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize