its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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