if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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