I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
