I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
