I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize