I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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