you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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