let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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