I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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