we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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