Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
