If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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