so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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