Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
