i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
