I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
