I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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