I am midnight drunk by noon
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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