If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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