You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
