She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
