She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
