We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dear god my vagina.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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