well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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