if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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