Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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