I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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