The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
