My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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