i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
