Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
