man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
