I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
