I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
