so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
