ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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