There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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