I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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