mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
