dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
