Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize