i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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