Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
