i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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