I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
