please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
