i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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