Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i think i have two assholes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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