Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
