Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
