You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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