i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
