And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
