i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
