Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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