They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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