I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
