she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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