So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
