so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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