he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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