My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
