went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
