Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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