im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
