Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
