Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
