why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
