I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
