i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
