Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize