Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
