Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
