i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
