...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
