So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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