The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
