k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
