Where is the hickey?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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