her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
