she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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