hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
