Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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